Breaking & Entering: The Gateway Thug

Predestination, how do I love thee? Let me commit Larceny to count the ways...

One: with a leap over the side gate, and a bound down into the backyard.
Two: by the bending of my self into unnatural postures and elongations.
Three: for the sudden rush of ecstasy that came with the opening of the doors before me.

I broke and entered into my house out of necessity. Out of Survival of the Witless.

I won't tell you precisely how I unlocked the "Breaking and Entering" achievement. With such information, you too could Solid Snake your way into the depths of my lair. And there'll be none of that.

I will tell you this: In my haste to meet up with a longtime friend, I threw on some clothes, checked for my wallet, and hit the streets sans one set of shiny, necessary keys. As the front door closed and was locked behind me, I knew that I would be returning to a vacant home. But I was unaware of what that meant to my future self. For, in that moment, everything was right with my picture of reality.

And so it was that as I ambled up the longish lane to my driveway, and patted at my pockets, a stark realization came over me: I was locked out.

I had no phone, no hidden or spare key, and thus no way into the house for an hour or more. Of all my neighbors, one was home, only I despise her with the Passion of the Christ and could not place my self at her mercy.

No, I kept it cool and relied on my ingenuity and awesomeness to force entry and leave no trace. From front yard to backyard to in doors was a full twenty minutes of will-power, agility, and sweat. Let it be known: Determination alone can move mountains. My crime is my proof.

I am the Gateway Thug*.


*Though an exhilarating experience, I profess no desire to pursue further a Life of Crime.